Mommy moments: Get used to being seen naked, mommy

There are some things that they don’t mention to you when you are becoming a mother. Like, they never tell you how many people will see you naked, before and after you give birth Doctors, nurses, strangers.

One day I decided I’d have enough of the standard-issue, Mommy sweat suit. I was going to put on something pretty and girly. You know, like you used to do in your pre- Mommy days. I pulled out the cute boots, a nice pair of jeans, and a super cute top that showed off that ample Mommy cleavage, and headed for the store with the kiddo.

We went marching down the aisles, scoping out the sales for the upcoming holiday season. Of course, we found the perfect gift, three feet above my reach, so I asked a nearby store clerk if he could help me. While he fumbled for the gift, I tried to keep my bored toddler entertained with a game of tickle, which worked. She laughed and giggled, and pulled down Mommy’s top in self-defense.

I was, of course, clueless, until the nice man handed me the item, with a blushing-red face. I then realized, “Hey, isn’t it just a little breezy in here?” Looking down, I saw the double-D twins saying hello to anyone who was looking. I pulled up my top, but the damage was done. The red-faced man quickly apologized and ran off, no doubt to tell a co worker. A nearby group of appreciative-looking guys smiled and waved. Add them to the list of people who have seen Mommy naked.

My consolation is that I’ll feel absolutely no guilt when, down the road, my child’s a teenager and blushing furiously, hissing under her breath while I spit-bathe her in public, “Mom! You’re embarrassing me!”