Playing the “mommy card” at work

Every mom knows the feeling. It’s 7:00 am, and you’ve just spent the better part of your morning explaining to your toddler why it’s probably not a good idea to “clean” the toilets with toothpaste. You’ve also just had to explain to your five-year-old the consequences of licking power outlets. But before you have a chance to appropriately chastise yourself for not being a better mother, your cell phone rings. Gasp! It’s your boss.

You frantically race to the only bathroom in the house with a functioning lock, and very seamlessly assure your boss that, yes, absolutely, you can be at work thirty minutes early. And, on this particular day, when the planets are aligned, and it happens to be the year of the horse, you actually make it on time.

But other days, you just can’t do it. Other days, you just pull out the Mommy Card. That’s right. The Mommy Card is your get-out-of-work-free card, and it is the most used and abused instrument in the Mommy Toolkit. It can be used to cover anything from a snow-day cancellation to a pediatrician appointment. Nonetheless, it must be used wisely. Depending on your work environment, you can easily, albeit unknowingly, alienate co-workers and frustrate your boss.

However, by following a few basic do’s and don’ts, you can significantly increase your chances of successfully balancing work and family, while retaining the respect of your boss and co-workers.

DON’T use the Mommy Card if it isn’t the truth. Although it is enticingly tempting to use this card when you just don’t feel like going to work, or after an argument with your husband that leaves you with a headache and a bad attitude, it is not okay to call in with an “up-all-night-with-the-kids” excuse.

DO be tactful and considerate. When you have to call in the Mommy Card, do express regret that you cannot come to work, and whenever possible, let a reliable co-worker know about any loose ends that you will not be able to take care of that day. You’d be surprised what a little conversation can do to make life easier on your colleagues and to avoid inciting resentment.

DON’T whine about it. It’s one thing to have a rough day with the kids and confide in a co-worker for support. It’s another thing to be a chronic complainer. Try not to allow yourself too much time at work for talk-therapy.

DO make up for it. If at all possible, do spend a little extra time when you can to show your boss that you take your job seriously and want to make sure your responsibilities have been fulfilled. Your boss will be impressed by your diligence and appreciative of your dependability.

DO give yourself credit. It’s very easy to feel like you are often choosing between your kids and your job, and inevitably the guilt factor ensues. Remind yourself every day of the positive ways you are influencing your family and your workplace. Moms tend to be too hard on themselves, so make it a point to forgive yourself on a daily basis.

As long as you arm yourself with a little discretion and a lot of self-awareness when it comes to exercising your duties as a mom and as an employee, you can feel comfortable using your Mommy Card in the workplace. Your boss views you as an integral part of his or her team, and as long as you are honest, considerate, and willing to take responsibility for yourself and your work, you will have earned your ability to choose family first.