School choice is not just a matter of applying for a lottery ticket and hoping your child gets admitted to the school they want. Thoughtful parents know that school choice decisions involve not just finding a school that seems better than the last one, but one that fits your child’s needs as well as your family needs. For instance, if your daughter really wants to go to a private school that emphasizes the performing arts but the tuition would hinder you from meeting other family needs, such as bill payments, then her needs can’t be directly met. However, now that you know the performing arts drive her to learn, you can see if your school district has a school that emphasizes the arts. These are probably going to be charter schools, such as The Bronx School for the Performing Arts, a public school for grades 5 – 8.

When the school choice options don’t meet your needs

If you don’t have a performing arts school, or a trade school, or a science school, etc. in your area, you should consider both conventional and unconventional school choices. For example, you can seek art classes that occur after school for your daughter, or help her create more arts opportunities in her current school by sponsoring a club or extra-curricular activity; if she’s a junior or senior in high school, ask about dual enrollment opportunities where she can take Community College courses in the arts, paid for by your tax dollars. Unconventional solutions can range from swapping services or chores with a local professional artist or performer in exchange for lessons, to creating a club or group in your school or home that involves learning by doing what you want to learn. By working through the logic of your decision with your children’s input, you can arrive at some solutions you may not even have thought of on your own. Here are some questions to help focus your school choice decision and locate a solution that works for your family.

1. What is your family’s philosophy of education? Would your children flourish more in a conventional school or in a less conventional child-centered school? How important is the diversity of the student body to you and your children?
   Here’s an exercise to help you find your philosophy of education and exercise school choice: If you could homeschool your children, how would you plan your school year? Are there schools in your area that can meet those plans or work with you to do so together?
2. How does each of your children learn best? Do they like to learn on their own, or as part of a group? Which do they prefer: large school or small school environments? How important are school music, arts, and sports opportunities to you? What sorts of foreign languages do you want your children to learn and are they offered at any of the schools you can choose? What are the average class sizes in the schools you are choosing among?
3. What sort of school building do you want your children to learn in? Does it have up-to-date equipment and books? Will you need to provide transportation or can your child use the school bus service? Will you incur childcare expenses before and after school because you can’t be at home during those times? Do your children have special needs that can only be addressed in a particular school or by special education teacher?

As you sort through these questions you will see how you can use school choice to refine your child’s education options, as well as determine actions you can take as a parent that will benefit your entire family.

At six months pregnant, I was introduced to the strange and often conflicted world of child-proofing. Walking into the toddler-inhabited home of a dear friend, we were accosted by no fewer than six baby gates, barring approach to the TV, the DVD racks, the staircases, the kitchen hall and the end tables. The toddler’s mommy said with a nod to my growing belly, “Just wait until your little guy is mobile.”

Well, my little guy is mobile now and we don’t have any baby gates. I suppose that either makes me a terribly irresponsible parent or one with a firm head on her shoulders. Child proofing can be a daunting task, and inarguably an important one—protecting the most important person in the household. Still, it is entirely possible to over child-proof your home. When presented with the dizzying selection of child-proofing products at our local merchant, I’ve often wondered if it might not be easier to wrap the baby in foam padding and force him to wear a helmet.

So, what do you really need?

Make a “safe” room

Go nuts on child-proofing one room of your house, usually the baby’s room. You need to have one room where, no matter what, you know he’s safe. Bracket all the furniture to studs in the wall. When your baby becomes a stronger toddler, he can (and will) begin trying to climb the furniture. Make sure your baby’s crib is placed away from a window. If it must be near one, make sure window coverings, especially cords to shades or blinds, are not long enough for your baby to reach, as these are strangulation hazards. Slats for cribs must be no wider than 2 3/8” apart. Cover outlets and shorten cords to keep prying baby and toddler hands away from electricity. You can keep his little fingers even safer by buying pinch guards for his closet doors and having open toy bins. If your toy boxes have lids, get ones with hydraulic ones that close more slowly and are less apt to slam on tiny hands.

Some of these suggestions, like outlet covers and cord shorteners should be carried over to all rooms of your house. Outlet covers come in a variety of types, from simple flap covers, to flip open styles that flap closed again when the outlets aren’t being used. Toddlers can often manipulate and figure out the simpler covers, so you may need to reinvest as they get older and wiser.

Child-proof the kitchen and bathroom

The kitchen and bathroom contain the highest number of hazards for your baby Think of burns, drowning and chemical dangers and you should be able to prevent most of the related injuries. In the kitchen, make sure your oven door has a lock. If it doesn’t; buy an aftermarket baby-proof one. If your stove’s knobs are on the front where your baby can reach them, get knob locks so your child can’t turn them. Cabinet locks in the kitchen are a must, especially on cabinets filled with heavy pots and pans or small appliances. If you’ve got cupboards filled with cleaning chemicals under your sink, it goes without saying that those need to be locked as well.

Cabinet locks come in a variety of types, including pressure-mounted and magnetic. Experts recommend the magnetic type because they are more difficult for toddlers to figure out as they require a parent “key” for entry. Keeping one cabinet unlocked and filled with toys for your tot might be a good idea, letting him explore the kitchen in a safe way.

The bathroom, also needs cabinet locks, to secure cleaning chemicals and medicines. You might consider moving all your chemicals to a consolidated location, like a utility room, kept in a locked child-proof box, available at most stores that sell child-proofing products. Consider toilet seat locks. They remove a possible drowning hazard, prevent your makeup or other items from being flushed down the toilet, and keep your child from drinking out of the toilet bowl.

You should invest in a bathtub thermometer to make sure his tub time is never too hot. They make floating ones mounted on rubber ducks that your baby will love to play with and ones that you can mount right on the tub. And, you can buy spigot covers to make sure he doesn’t get a bump on the noggin. But you might be going too far if you invest in one of the inflatable or padded tub inserts that ensures that all four walls of the tub are pillow-soft at all times.

Child-proof common areas, sensibly

Get down to your baby’s level to see what he can reach. If there’s something particularly precious to you, move it until he’s older. You don’t have to remodel your living room, but keep things that are less breakable and less important at kid-level for those first few years. Remember however that you will be in the common areas with your child and teaching boundaries at this time; so, you will be practicing “no.” Just don’t let him learn “no” as he’s breaking an heirloom.

If you’ve got stairs, get a gate. Kids are fast and uncoordinated , a surefire combination for falling down a flight of stairs. If you have a brick hearth, use foam liners that slip over the rough edges of the brick to protect against scratchy bumps to the heads of toddlers who will use that surface to pull themselves up. You may want to stop short of buying that same foam lining to coat every corner of every coffee and end table in your living room—it’s available but will look awful. As guilty as you feel when your baby bumps his head once or twice on the edge of your end table, recall in a brief moment of sanity that probably no child has ever been killed by a table, nor been horribly disfigured.

The minute your child can reach the doorknob on the front door, the back door or the side door, he’s going to be trying to turn it, and then he’ll be out in a flash. So, get doorknob locks. They are made for both regular doorknobs and the side knobs.

Child proofing is essential , but you can easily go overboard. Take each safety measure seriously while remembering that the overall goal is protecting your child, not your peace of mind. Keeping him in a bubble is not protecting him, it’s protecting you. And, by not over-child-proofing, you keep your house your home.

As the 18th-century English essayist Sir Richard Steele once stated, “Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body,” This being said, encouraging your kids to read should be at the top your summer time ‘to do’ list.

Many public high schools will require summer reading for students, but if yours doesn’t you can create your own. The first place you should go is your local public library. Almost every public library has a summer reading program for any reading or age level. The librarians will be able to help you find books that are age appropriate and in areas that your child is interested in.

Find out if your school has a summer reading list available. Most schools will have a summer reading list or even a list of books that will be covered in the following year’s English class. You could kill two birds with one stone and help your kids get better English grades next fall.

Check out your local newspaper to see if there are any businesses in your area that are sponsoring summer reading programs. A lot of Radio and Television stations sponsor reading programs that offer prizes and incentives for you’re young reader.

The most important thing to remember when starting a Summer Reading program for kids of any age is to make it fun and interesting. Since each kid is different you will have to find out what they want or like to read and then tailor a reading program that will work for them.

Design a program that offers an incentive to for reading a certain amount of books in a month, or pages in a week. For an advanced reader, reading two books a week would be easy, especially in the summer. A teenager who struggles with reading it may take over a week to read just one book that is where the pages per week would work better. You want your teen to be able to see that they are making progress each week.

The incentive should be appropriate for the amount of reading they are doing and at the same time something your teenager is interested in earning. Getting to go to the movies or out to their favorite restaurant for reaching their monthly goal is very reasonable. In the same respect giving them a new car or a trip to Europe is a little over the top.

Stay involved in their reading choices. If they are the type of kid who really doesn’t like to read it will be more of a challenge, but believe me there is material out there that will interest them. Try comic books, yes you heard me, comic books. They may seem like they would be too juvenile for teenager, or even like they wouldn’t be considered reading, but my philosophy is that reading is reading.

Sit down with your teen and discuss what they are interested in and what type of books they want to read. Once you have a game plan hit the library and see what you can find. It is a good idea to stay involved in their book choices. Not all material in the Young Reader’s section is appropriate for all kids. The library cannot sensor the books so you need to.

If you and your child both have similar interest you might consider reading the same book so you can talk about the book rather than have them tell you about it or write a report. Even if you don’t have the same interest it would probably mean a lot to your son or daughter if you took the time to read a book they were interested in.

Some teenagers are unmotivated when it comes to reading, so you might want to try setting aside a certain time everyday for them to read or even require their reading to be done before they watch TV or play video games (just like any other chore).

Always keep close track of their progress and offer praise and encouragement when they reach the goals you have set for them.

Negative Nancy has a plan; an honest to goodness checklist one for every emergency scenario imaginable. She’s my neighbor, and for a while, I hated her organization, forethought and ability to make me look irresponsible. Then, one day my smoke alarm went off and I realized that Negative Nancy had the right idea all along.

We don’t all need a tabbed file box with indexed checklists for fire, flood, earthquake, terrorism and heaven forbid, running out of toilet paper. But, there’s something to be said for having thought about what you would do for your family if the unthinkable occurred. Depending on where you live, that can mean all sorts of different things.

Fire

The most important part of a fire emergency plan is to get out. Make sure that this is explicit to children who have a tendency to hide when they are fearful. Have a meeting place outside the house where your family knows to gather up so they don’t waste precious escape moments inside trying to find one another. Practice more than one escape route so they know what to do if their way out is blocked by smoke, fire or debris. Teach a few basics of evacuation, like feeling a door for heat, choosing another route if necessary, crawling below the level of smoke and stop/drop/roll to extinguish flames on clothing. Teach everyone in the house to operate fire extinguishers and keep them on every floor of your house, along with smoke detectors.

Earthquake

Always keep your earthquake kit stocked. Your kit should have enough food supplies to last for at least a week. Select food that does not require refrigeration or a heat source for cooking. Yes, cold Spaghetti-o’s are pretty gross; but, it beats starving to death and they keep for centuries. Be sure to include eating utensils and a can opener otherwise your canned goods will essentially become useless. You’ll also want to stock water (again for at least a week/approx 1 gallon per person per day). You’ll need work gloves, a wrench to shut of gas and water valves, a utility knife, duct tape, a flashlight, disinfectant, a radio and batteries, clothing and shoes, blankets, entertainment (books, pens, pencils, etc), cash, a fire extinguisher, a disposable camera, heavy duty bucket and plastic bags for waste, feminine and toiletry products and plastic sheeting to make walls or barriers if necessary. If you have pets, make sure you include enough pet food to sustain your animal for at least a week, and copies of veterinary records.

You may be told to evacuate. Make sure your family has two meeting places designated; one right outside your home and one at the edge of your neighborhood in case you are separated in the commotion. Teach your family prior to a quake how to respond if one occurs: avoiding windows, hanging objects, heavy appliances and cabinets filled with heavy objects; moving to an interior wall and covering your neck and head with your arms to protect it from falling debris. If you cannot move to an interior wall, find a heavy table or desk; or, if in bed, stay there and cover your head with a pillow. If you are outside, move to a clear area, but avoid power lines. If you are at the beach, move to higher ground as an earthquake can cause a resulting tsunami.

Flood

As if a storm wasn’t enough, a flood can devastate an entire town. A flooded house is more than just an insurance claim, it can be dangerous. It’s important to remind everyone not to walk through flood water, if at all possible, as the water can be contaminated with hazardous material. And, walking through only 6″ of moving water can cause a fall. If you have to do it, use a stick to feel in front of you. Don’t drive through floodwater or try to start a stalled car either. Driving is exceedingly dangerous and trying to start a car can be fatal. If you are asked to evacuate, shut off the electricity. If you know flash floods are coming or a storm is capable of producing excessive amounts of water, move valuables to high ground and remind your family of the safety rules.

Terrorism

We can pretend that it won’t happen again. Or, we can have a plan. Teach children to be vigilant without being fearful. Always be aware of all exits, including emergency exits. And, note where phones, alarms and other emergency equipment are located. Older children can pay attention to this too. Report any suspicious activity. In the event of an incident, stay calm and remain vigilant for secondary dangers like falling debris. It isn’t outside the norm to ask places that you leave your children, like daycare, if they have a disaster response plan that includes terrorist attacks. Because we don’t know when or where this might happen, all we can do is watch carefully. Set up a contact system for older children that are more frequently separate from you; like periodic phone check-ins.

For all Emergencies

Keep your “go-bag” stocked at all times and know where it is. That means no sneaking into it to borrow the flashlight when the power goes out. Buy a spare for the utility drawer and keep the go-bag’s where it belongs. You’ll be glad it’s there if there’s ever an emergency. Keep separate go-bags for the kids and keep them ready too. Make sure they know where they are. It’s a good idea to keep a spare pair of shoes near the door or under the beds in case there’s a need for a quick run out the door. Occasional drills keep remind everyone of procedures and keep everyone in practice.

References :

www.72hours.org

Your baby will cut 20 teeth over the next few years. These include four front incisors, with four additional side incisors for cutting. Four back molars will appear to aid in chewing. Next, the pointed canine teeth will erupt, and finally, four back molars will break through. Twenty teeth spell a lot of discomfort for your child.

Signs of teething

Most babies begin cutting teeth before 6 months, although some wait as long as a year. Remember, your child will cut teeth at his own speed. The first sign of teething is excessive drooling. Peek inside your baby’s mouth and check for swollen gums. Your baby might chew on his fingers, hands, and toys in an attempt to alleviate the pain. Looser bowel movements, poor appetite, and rejecting the bottle are also signs of teething. No, you can’t hide under the bed. It’s time to find a way to help with your child’s teething nightmare.

Tricks from seasoned moms

Finding the trick to help your baby’s pain might take some trial and error. Get those cute little bibs and arm yourself with soft burping cloths to wipe baby’s chin. If a rash develops, gently clean with warm water, dry thoroughly and apply some petroleum jelly to protect from chafing. It’s almost a guarantee that the method you find to soothe your baby will be as unique as your child is. Be patient.

Cold washcloth : Freeze or refrigerate a wet washcloth and allow your baby to gnaw on it. The textured surface provides just enough abrasion to ease baby’s gum pain. Try twisting an ice cube inside the cloth and let baby go to town!

Mommy’s finger : With clean hands, press and rub on baby’s gums. You just might find baby likes this best, especially because he gets a sweet snuggle in the process.

New toothbrush : Use a baby toothbrush to gently rub your child’s gums. Never let baby hold the brush as he could easily choke himself.

Cooler foods : Some babies find warmed baby food uncomfortable when teething. Try cool applesauce or freeze bananas and cut them to baby-sized bites. Some mothers swear by frozen peas, for both pain reduction and entertainment value for a baby. Try cool water in baby’s bottle.

Teething biscuits : Dissolving biscuits are a good way to let baby go to town while your rush through your dinner.

Cold spoons : Put a metal spoon in the freezer. Bend the handle before giving it to your baby.

Distraction : Redirecting your baby’s attention away from his discomfort with an interesting toy or playtime with Mommy’s undivided attention might help him forget his sore mouth for a while.

Teething rings : Fashioned from hard plastic, these toys are easy for little fingers to grasp. Some rings can be placed in the refrigerator to cool them to ease discomfort but should never be frozen.

Pain relievers, gels and pills

Some parents choose to use Baby Tylenol to ease baby’s teething discomfort. Make sure you administer the correct dose for your child based on your pediatrician’s recommendations. Teething gels are another option, although some babies don’t like the taste. Some parents swear by homeopathic teething pills. Again, use your best judgment based on the advice of your physician when considering over-the-counter medications for your baby.

Do you dread bath time with your kid? Has the nightly routine become a screaming match filled with hysteria? Do your kids absolutely trash the bathroom? Bath time issues can range from fear of having hair washed to standing up in the slippery tub. Let’s look at what you can do to make this nightly ritual a more enjoyable part of everyone’s day.

Establish the rules

Does your boisterous kid soak the floor with waves of water every night? Let your child know that this isn’t acceptable. Bath time should be fun but not twice as much work for mommy. Never allow standing in the tub unless you have a hand on your child. Never leave your child unattended in the tub. Make sure you stress to your child that the faucet is completely off limits. Lather, rinse, and repeat as a mantra until your child knows these rules are carved in stone.

Hair-washing drama

Some children have a very real fear of hair washing. Whether it’s soap bubbles in the eyes or water poured over their head, the child’s screams can be heard at the neighbor’s house. Unless your kid rolls in mud puddles, consider just washing his hair every few days instead. If you choose to just ignore the screaming, keep shampoo, cups, and towels within easy reach to make the chore goes quickly. Have your child “look up at the sky” when you rinse. Swimming goggles or a shampoo shield can also help make hair washing easier.

Fear of the tub

To a kid, a tub drain is very scary. Or maybe your child’s head went completely under water at some time and he’s terrified it will happen again. You need to assess your child’s fear level and act accordingly. Gripping the bathroom door frame in panic is a definite sign a little switch in routine is necessary.

Sponge baths : Take the tub out of the equation for a few days. Give your child a sponge bath with a warm washcloth and soap.

Showers : Try bringing their bath time toys into the shower, add some new bath time finger paints, and Mommy for comfort.

Mommy in the tub : Fill the tub with just a little water, climb in, and set your child on your lap. Being in the tub allows you to wash him quickly and keep him safe at the same time. Make sure to take your child out of the bathroom before you pull the drain plug.

Let your child bathe a favorite toy : Allow your child to take her dolly or dinosaur into the tub for company. Teach your child how to wash the toy while you clean the child at the same time.

Establish and stick to a routine : Sometimes parents don’t want to give in to hysteria. Just plodding on through the chaos may seem inhumane but it really isn’t. If you can stand the hollering, rush through the bath.

Rewards : Actually, consider these bribes. A favorite show or story might be enough incentive to get some cooperation. Make sure to follow through on your promise and praise your child for being brave.

Bath time cooperation is based on routine. Establish limits and be consistent in what you expect from your child. For parents with kids who are afraid, remember that their fear will pass in time. Just be patient, and soon bath time will become a wonderful, sharing time to cherish.

Imagine the frustration of living in a world where no one could understand what you were saying. No matter how hard you tired, you were unable to form coherent words, syllables or sounds. That is the world that babies and toddlers live in every day.

Have you ever wondered what your baby is thinking or what he wants to eat? Wouldn’t it be nice to know if she’s crying because she’s because she is tired, hungry, or needs to have her diaper changed? Believe it or not, there is a way to effectively communicate with your baby or toddler long before he develops the verbal and motor skills he needs to talk. By teaching your child some basic sign language, you can greatly diminish the frustration of trying to figure out what your baby needs and at the same time give him a communication skill that can be built on as he gets older.

It has been proven that babies who can’t even sit up can learn very basic sign language motions and toddlers as young as 18 months can master a vocabulary of up to 100 words. Teaching him sign language isn’t as hard as you may think. Have you ever sung your baby’s favorite song and done hand motions? When your baby does the hand motions with you he is in essence doing sign language.

Babies and toddlers often use signs as a natural part of everyday communication. Many babies know how to wave “bye-bye” or how to shake their head no. Teaching them sign language isn’t any different than these simple gestures. In fact, it is much easier for small children to learn sign language then it is for adults.

Learning American Sign Language (ASL) with your baby or toddler is a great way to spend time with him and to help him develop communication skills. You should start with the basics and expand your child’s vocabulary as his comprehension and motor skills improve. There are many online resources available, as well as programs you can purchase or even TV programs you can watch to help you learn sign language.

Among the best is a video by Baby First TV called I Can Sign . This video is for babies through three year olds and is available on their website, Babyfirsttv.com .

The Baby Signs Program consists of classes taught by a certified instructor in which you and your baby learn to use simple, easy-to-do gestures for communicating with each other. Visit their website at Babysigns.com for a complete list of locations and instructors in your area.

PBS offers two programs, “Signing Time” and “Baby Signing Time,” which provide an easy way for you to learn American Sign Language (ASL). These programs teach sign language through interactive songs and instructional segments. You can check your local listings or visit the PBS website at Pbs.org for a list of stations where these programs are aired.

You don’t have to know American Sign Language (ASL) yourself in order to teach it to your child. You can learn the signs and motions as you go. Basic signs are easy to learn and remember because they closely mimic things most people do to describe an action already. The sign for “drink” is made by forming your right hand into the letter ‘c’ then moving the hand to your mouth in a short arc like you are drinking something.

Once you make the decision to teach your child American Sign Language, you will be amazed at how easily you and your child will learn to sign and how quickly your communication level will increase.

In your teen’s universe, it’s fully possible that there is absolutely nothing that she likes about her appearance. Your beautiful child? What can you do to help? Working to foster a healthy body image in a teenager is a daunting task, but it is possible.

Build them up before they are teens

Before your teenagers realize that you are not the center of the universe; before the power of peer pressure grips their hearts; and before the media begins to creep into their brains, subliminally telling them that they have too much acne, it’s your job to plant and nourish a healthy body image in their minds. Encourage your teenagers to base self-esteem on the whole-person concept, focusing on who they are , not on what they look like. The key to healthy, well-adjusted teenagers is healthy, well-adjusted children crossing over that threshold of adolescence.

But, part of appreciating oneself is appreciating one’s butt… and the rest too

When it comes to getting your teenagers to recognize and appreciate their bodies for what they are, get them to treat their bodies like a temple, and get them to do it young. Start by fostering healthy eating habits, recognizing that if they respect their bodies, what they puts into them matters. Teach good food choices not for controlling weight, but for good health. Don’t focus on that bottom never expanding, but on how good their bodies feel when they feed them good food.

Use physical activity, like sports and just good, old-fashioned play as another way to boost good body image from a young age. It teaches your teenagers to recognize and appreciate how their bodies work with them to enjoy and participate in something that they’re having fun doing. And, you can explain that it helps to keep them healthy and strong. As your children approach their teenage years and see their bodies are lean and strong, they’ll appreciate all these habits even more.

Appreciation of the body’s other great talents

Teaching your teenagers to appreciate their bodies as fine-tuned machines goes a long way towards good body image, but that’s only half of it. Your teenagers are whole people with talents and skills well beyond being able to choose a healthy salad or apple over a candy bar; or being able to run, or play a good game of pick-up soccer in the park. Your teenagers are able to play the flute or recite Shakespeare or create paintings worthy of museums. Teach your teenagers to appreciate their bodies for the talents hidden within it and to accept them for all they hold.

Teenagers with an appreciation for their talents, all of them, are less likely to have self-esteem problems overall, even if they have some perceived flaws. They are able to see a balance between flaws and things that they have that can compensate for them. They see a sort of plus-and-minus system within themselves, rather than a pileup of flaws when they look in the mirror.

Empathize with their experiences

You were not born a parent. You were a teenager once too; and whether you like to remember it or not, looks do matter. So, if you have teenagers who are overweight or underweight or have other image problems it’s important to show compassion and not dismiss the experience. Help where you can. See doctors if necessary and help make healthful changes that will assist your children in achieving goals that may alter their body images.

Be a role model

They may not admit it, but your teenagers do still look to you to be a role model. That means you need to have the epitome of a healthy body image. No complaining of hating your thighs or a wrinkle or two when you look in the mirror. Appreciate your body the same way you’d like your teenagers to. Follow the advice you’re giving your teenagers. Eat healthfully, get physical activity and find your hidden talents. It will be easy to practice what you preach.

Getting through the teenage years can be a bumpy road, filled with potholes and detours. Body image is one of those road hazards that pops up repeatedly for your teenagers, reminding them that they are constantly a work in progress. Work with them from the time they are very young, fostering a healthy body image and you will be well on your way to having happy, well adjusted teenagers on your hands.

References Encouraging a healthy body image

Babies are a blessing. But after months of endless feeding and changing sessions, and the never ending to-do list that runs through your head, babies can become a bit of a blessing in disguise. One of the greatest things my beautiful babies gave me was a profound need to be away from them.

At first, this filled me with horrifying guilt. I had to be the worst mother ever, didn’t I? How many mothers periodically feel the urge to leave the baby with that nice woman next door and buy a one-way ticket to the Bahamas? For months, I was positive that the answer to this question was a resounding, “no good mother would ever feel that way,” and I always felt nervous and guilty at my desire to have even a few seconds of time alone. After all, I’d quit my job to raise my kids in a constant environment of love and support. Now I didn’t even want to spend time with them? These unwelcome emotions didn’t fit into my life plan, so I carefully filed them under “think about it later” and kept up my rigorous play/feed/change repeat schedule.

Finally, when my oldest child was two and my youngest was almost five months, I had a life-changing date with my best friend. She was a career woman, always immaculate and relaxed, even when a huge deadline was looming. Most important, she was the loving mother of three. After one too many Mimosas, I spelled out my case to my friend, dropping a few tears into my quiche, sure she was about to tell me I was a complete failure as a mother and a human being.

When I finished, she stared at me. I held my breath. And then she laughed. “Haven’t you heard of Mommy Time?” she asked. I stared blankly back at her.

And that’s when my friend told me that the secret to balancing her busy schedule and her family without losing her sanity was to periodically ignore her family. She suggested that I hire a babysitter twice a week and take three hours to do something “me” oriented: take a yoga class, take a walk, read a book, go out with friends, make new friends, whatever I wanted! The point, she specified, was not to take this time to rest… it was to take the time to reconnect with myself, to remind myself of who I was apart from my family. Without these precious few hours, a mother can become a feeding/changing/playing machine, and that is not somebody who is capable of loving as much as she could.

And you know what? She was right? The first few times I left my girls alone with a sitter I felt incredibly selfish and wracked with panic that something would happen to my precious daughters. But they were right there, sleeping peacefully, every time I came home. After a few weeks, I started to remember what it felt like to be an independent woman. And the unexpected side effect? I actually became a better mother. I love spending time with my kids, but it takes knowing who I am and feeling comfortable in my own skin to truly appreciate them the way I want to. If I’m constantly exhausted and depressed, my time with my beautiful daughters becomes a hazy blur.

Here are some “mommy time” things you can do:

Spas

In general, women love to be pampered. A mommy is no exception, and she probably needs it more than most women. Make an appointment at your local spa and get a pedicure, a manicure, a facial, a haircut or the works. Schedule a massage and relax the aches and pains you get from carrying heavy toddlers, who cry, “Up! Up!” all day. Invite girlfriends to come along and make a day of it by having lunch afterward and gossip all afternoon.

Classes

Check the local colleges for classes that interest you. You’ll have a place to go every week, meet people with similar interests, and expand your mind. Fitness classes at the local gym are a great idea, too, both for your body and your mind, and gyms are also a good place to make new friends.

Mommy alone time

There’s a lot to be said for just being alone. If you like to mediate, find a quiet spot to relax, maybe the park or a place outside, even in your own home, making sure the kids are out for the afternoon. If you enjoy reading or journaling, being alone can be a great time to reconnect with yourself. Using your mommy time to be with yourself is okay. Nothing says that the moment you get an hour of freedom, you have rush out and make new friends. Sitting in the library with a good book or taking a nap in your room is a perfectly reasonable use of mommy time.

Thanks to that friend and that fateful breakfast date, every moment I spend with my daughters feels deeper, and I have the added bonus of spending a little time twice a week with one of the most important and fun people I know. Me.

This article was contributed to by both Rachel Nelson and Rachel McClain .

It’s bedtime, something most kids dread and parents can’t wait for. But how do you get your child to go to sleep when he is wide awake? You need to back up an hour or two into your evening and determine what is making your child so alert that he can’t sleep.

Food and sleep

Let’s look at the type of snacks your child is eating or drinking during the evening. Any snack that is high in sugar or carbohydrates is going to give your child a burst of energy and prevent him from falling asleep easily until the sugar high wears off.

Caffeine is another no-no close to bed time. In reality it is detrimental to your child’s healthy development to have caffeine at all, as it releases the sugar that is stored in the liver causing his body to crave more sugar to replace it.

Caffeine also raises your child’s level of adrenaline and stimulates his nervous system and other major body systems which is the exact opposite of what should be happening when he is going to sleep. Even if he does go to sleep he will not be relaxed and won’t sleep as soundly.

Foods high in Tryptophan such as dairy products, whole grains, sunflower seeds or peanut butter are great for bedtime snacks. Tryptophan is a precursor of the sleep-inducing substances serotonin and melatonin. This means tryptophan is the raw material that the brain uses to build these relaxing neurotransmitters.

You can still serve your child milk and cookies for a bedtimes snack, just make it oatmeal cookies, or try a peanut butter sandwich. Whole grain cereal and milk are also a good source of Tryptophan. It takes about an hour for the Tryptophan to start working to relax your child, so time their snack accordingly.

Relaxing to sleep

Just like most adults, children have a hard time unwinding and calming themselves in order to go to sleep quickly. That is why things like reading your child a book at bedtime, having him sit on the couch with you for a few minutes to watch TV or even just sitting by his bed and talking to him will help calm him down and get him to sleep fast.

Giving your child a nice warm bath with lavender oil in it will help get him ready for bedtime. Lavender is a natural relaxing aroma, with is why it is so widely used in bath products for all ages. The warm bath will relax your child’s muscles and the lavender will relax his mind and emotions.

You can also put lavender essential oil in a cool water mister in your child’s room or sprinkle lavender essential oil on his pillow at night. If you don’t like the scent of lavender, peppermint is another scent with calming properties.

Routines for sleep

Children are creatures of habit just like the rest of us. They are more comfortable and relaxed when they have a routine. If you find a bedtime routine that works stick with it, children like to know what comes next. Having a routine will help you avoid stress at bedtime and thus give you a calmer child to try and get to sleep.

Sleep is so important for your child’s emotional and physical development, so you need to do all you can to make sure he gets the right amount of sleep each night. Getting him to bed on time, the first time, every night will help ensure he is getting enough sleep and give you a happier, well rested child to live with during the day.